♥Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Yucks. I accidentally dozed off this afternoon cause i was reading a book nd it was quite cool outside so I got sleepy. And guess what? I had a nightmare. This is exactly why I never take naps. Every time i take a nap, I have a nightmare, and when I finally wake up, I feel even more tired than I did before the nap.It's so stupid.And you know the stupidest thing? Quite early into the nightmare, I actually knew it was a nightmare, and I couldn't do anything about it. I just basically had to sit back and let it happen. When i was younger, i used to have nightmares almost every night. It got so bad that I often used to do anything I could to prolong having to go to sleep at night. I used to read through the night and finally sleep at around 4am every night aftr doing around fifty sit-ups so that my body would be so tired that I'd fall asleep instantly - even if i didn't want to. Then i used to have bad dreams for the whole two hours till I woke again at 6am to go to school. I know it was unhealthy but my body got used to the lack of sleep quite easily. Or maybe it just accepted it because of my panicked mental state at night.Anyway after awhile the nightmares occured so often and they were usually the same ones or along the same themes that I used to realise quite easily that I was in a nightmare even while I was dreaming. At the beginning I had no choice but to let the nightmare happen and just experience it with the comfort of knowing that it was just a nightmare and that I would wake in the end. After a couple of months though, as wierd as it sounds I used to not only know it was a nightmare but I started to be able to control or at least influence in some ways what happened in the nightmares as they were always the same scenarios. Soon after, if i concentrated enough I could actually physically wake myself up from the nightmare.After about a year, they suddenly stopped. When I went to sleep at night I no longer had nightmares. Once in awhile I would have them once a week then slowly I stopped having them at all. Then upon somebody's advice, I decided to try and have a nap in the afternoon. The whole two hours I slept during the nap was filled with the same nightmares I'd suffered before. Only it was like it was at the beginning, I didn't even know I was dreaming much less able to wake myself up from it.When I tried having a nap again, the same thing happened. So i don't take naps now.Except today I was stupid enough to doze off.Urgh. I'm incredibly pissed off at myself.And now I'm tired... and I still feel a bit disorientated from the nightmare.Urgh. So stupid. *Bashes self on the head*I'm off to take a shower.
if love was just a dream... would you want to wake up?7:26 pm
